Happy Birthday Harriet Meller

Hear ye hear ye, Harriet Meller
Where the fuck you been? Locked in a cellar?
It was your birthday last week and you were nowhere to be seen
Unless that was you in Bed all pissed up and lean?!
You propped up the bar for most of the night
The next morning for sore eyes fuck me you were a sight
You gave the town drunk a run for their cash
As you flashed the whole club as you showed them your ass
Poor Dom had to carry you down three flights of stairs
With your arse on full view you had no worries or cares
Your legs were like jelly, your face was a mess
You fell over that many times you fucked up your dress
At one point I recall you insisting we dance
And you dipped your head back and I caught you by chance
You massacred our routine, you couldn't even pull off a twirl
But you're forgiven of course because you were the birthday girl
The next morning you became the bain of my life
God help the poor guy who makes you their wife
You never stopped whining you're officially the worst
Nothing but orders and demands were fired out in burst
Once again to your aid came the almighty Dom
But instead of being grateful you dropped him this bomb
On returning from Tescos you demanded more food
And told him to go back, all stubborn and rude
I almost lost the plot at this early stage in the day
And Dom told you to get bent, needless to say
Birthday boozer to birthday brat
One year older, rat a tat tat.

So Happy Birthday Harriet Meller
If the above is true God help your future fella